By taking five personality tests, I discovered that some interesting things about myself. First, were Carl Jung and Isabel Briggs Myers Personality test where I scored relatively high in the dimensions of introversion, intuition, feeling and judging (INFJ). According to Carl Jung's theory of the ego, described in 1921 in Psychological Types, a high score on intuition merely;
‘defined as "perception via the unconscious": using sense-perception only as a starting point, to bring forth ideas, images, possibilities, ways out of a blocked situation, by a process that is mostly unconscious.’
Me & my English colleague
Jung also said that a person, in whom intuition was dominant, acted not on the basis of rational judgment but on absolute strength of perception. As an intuitive, I have my own ideas about teaching and probably prefer to write my own syllabus so it would be a perfect fit for my students. I like to read between the lines and look for meaning rather than the hard facts. I value my own imagination and seriously trust my own intuitions and feeling. Well, obviously everyone uses their five senses to relate to any circumstances, but I prefer my ‘sixth sense’ to derive meanings, relationships, and possibilities from facts. I just believe my ‘senses’ would be able to solve problems or make interpretations. I remembered a situation that happened when I invigilated an examination. I followed through on my senses and apparently my suspicions were correct when I was able to intuit the students’ slickness of their moves which was so dismaying. I straightaway went to those who were cheated and immediately seized their papers. I decided that these students might learn some lessons. Besides, as an intuitive, I regularly rely on my senses of direction to get to a new place compared to my husband, who would look at a map or would likely read the instruction manual before assembling my kids’ toys.
Since I scored high in introversion, Marina Margaret Heiss (2002) describes me as a person who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or soul mates. Yes, I am an introvert, which means I am at my best when I have sometimes for myself to reflect, appreciate, and plan. I usually prefer being alone, or with my immediate family. When at school, I am very outgoing and friendly, but yet, sometimes the nonstop contact (with students, parents, colleagues, or administration) seems to just worn me out. I was aware of this possibility going into teaching, but still felt it was my calling, and was inspired by the fact that top celeb such as Oprah have the same personality type I have and they obviously contributed great things in dealing with extensive human contact. But, honestly, I sometimes wonder if it is possible to be truly happy and effective as a teacher and at the same time, be an introvert. Some days, I just really shrink from having a room full of students all day and the thought of attending a panel meeting is also often a downer. I am not really preferred to discuss situations or pour off ideas in the meeting. I would rather have time to think through them, and then apply the solutions. Although I love being a loner, however according to Myers Briggs, introverts like me, particularly and highly sensitive in handling others and tend to work well in an organizational structure. I really agree with Briggs enlightenment in which I have the capacity for multitasking jobs, which require privacy and concentration, but at the same time, I also do well in making contact with my colleagues. For me, lengthening the human relationship is not superficial as long as we are able to talk honestly and comfortably to our colleagues at work is much more important.
Being a feeler, again according to Myers Briggs, I am a person who considers how much I care about an issue and what I feel is right. Myers describes ‘feeling’ which refers to decisions based on someone’s personal values. Our society promotes for gender stereotyping by encouraging women to be more feeling in comparison to men. In reality, the statement is actually true. It is happening in my school where female teachers especially me, tend to be more lenient in giving marks to the students compared to male teachers. In terms of disciplinary strategies that I practice at school, I tend to be loving and communicative but wield little control and set few demands for mature behavior of my students. Besides, I instill warmth and nurturance as well as more classically warm laissez faire teaching style. Naturally I like to please others; and I praise and admire people easily because I think praise could be a motivational and rewarding tool in classroom learning.
For a mother of three like me, praising is crucial! I once read an article written by Michelle Dugger, a mom of 19 children saying that ‘The one who praises a child wins a child's heart’. I gave the idea a lot of thought and casually started trying it out on my three children. Then I started praising. I started complimenting my children’s’ good behavior, seeking to find the nice things to say and keeping criticism to a minimum. My voice sounded sugary sweet to my own ears and sometimes I even annoyed myself a little. My kids, on the other hand, ate it up like free ice – cream candy. Searching for areas where I can praise my children is very encouraging to me. It is like seeing a glass half full instead of half empty. Catching them in the act of being good is so much more fun than the opposite. Yeah, that’s me!
Because I scored high for ‘Judging’ in all Personality Tests, according to Jung, a person who dominant in judging personality interest in dealing with the world and in making decisions, expressing judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, ‘judgers’ are quick to express judgments. Often they develop intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Person of this type may find themselves frequently misunderstood. But for me, when it comes to dealing with the outer world, people tend to focus on making their own decisions because they tend to like things decided. I use my decision-making (Judging) in almost every aspects of my life. I seem to prefer a planned or orderly way of life, like to have things settled and organized, feel more comfortable when decisions are made, and like to bring life under control as much as possible.
As parent, planning and organizing are my thing because my entire life now revolves around preparation, setting up and making plans. Make shopping lists, shop once a week, cook while my baby is asleep even if it is hours before dinner time, set the breakfast table late at night if the mornings are stressful and hectic and so on. Oh! Not forgetting count at least an extra half hour just to get out through the front door if I have an important meeting at school. It is easy to get swamped down and overwhelmed by all of the logistical, planning & organizational aspects of running a home with three children and pets and toys always underfoot. I would just be overwhelmed and stressed the whole time. But it has turned out to be a great lesson on how I can be a better mom, a more organized mom, and given me some much needed faith in myself as to what I can do. When I spend just a little bit of time planning ahead everything goes a whole lot better for me and the kids. I find myself planning and I like the way this feels and don’t want to stop. It feels good being a better mom and I want to be the best mom I can be.
Well, being a judger, the following statements by Myers generally apply to me:
- I like to have things decided.
- I appear to be task oriented.
- I like to make lists of things to do.
- I like to get my work done before I can relax.
- I plan work to avoid rushing just before a deadline.
- Sometimes I focus so much on the goal that I miss new information.
So all in all, as INFJ, what do I need to do? And the even better question is: How can I improve myself to achieve my deepest desires while still maintaining myself as what I am now.
As an example, as introvert, intuitive, feeler and judger, I admit that I am a loner and need more friends. Finding more friends is a good idea and this will push me to overcome my fear, but will also give myself the limit I need. I will be taking best care of myself by keeping people in my life to achieve my goals, but also accepting that I am an introvert so I cannot push to exhaust myself. The truth is that we should identify our personality traits to help us constantly improve to learn and grow. We know ourselves best, so we should know when to give the limits and make the adjustments. The other thing I've had to learn the hard way is to try to draw people out to learn things about them. I have a tendency to tell them too much about myself too quickly, and in the end I always feel that I've betrayed myself somehow. But there is always a way to gently draw someone out without being too nosey or revealing too much of yourself right away. I have found that, spirituality is really important for me. Without that spiritual side of me, I sort of become weak. It is important for me to spend quiet time in nature, I consider that spiritual, and it nourishes me like nothing else can. When I attend to my spirituality, other important aspects of my life seem to fall into place much more easily.
Another thing that I really struggle and need room for improvement is the details. I think, I am just giving too much. An INFJ mother like me may sink toward the idea of getting the family and household organized and in order; regular baths for small children, weekly laundry, daily meals, and picking up mess; which sometimes can be exhausting. The INFJ mother may be likely to over-accommodation and self-sacrifice as a way to maintain family harmony. I am actually struggle with the result and perfection. Well, I think most INFJ spend time obsessing about details that don't matter to anyone else. I need to improve myself by letting go of the idea that I have to be all things to all people. All I need is just ask members of my family to choose the things I do regularly and let go of the rest of it for them to handle.
Last but not least I need to improve is by not praising too much. Mary Budd Rowe, a researcher at the University of Florida, discovered that students who were praised lavishly by their teachers were more tentative in their responses, more apt to answer in a questioning tone of voice ("Um, seven?"). They tended to back off from an idea they had proposed as soon as an adult disagreed with them. And they were less likely to persist with difficult tasks or share their ideas with other students. In short, I notice that praising too much of my kids does not restore their confidence level; eventually, it makes them feel less protected. It may even create a ‘nasty’ circle such that the more I load them with the praises; the more they seem to need it, so I praise them more. Sadly, the kids will grow into adults who continue to need someone else to stoke them on the head and tell them whether what they did was ‘good’, ‘perfect’, or ‘good job’. Surely this is not what we want for my daughters. So, less praise given to them but more of supporting and encouraging, the need to love, hug and help them feel good about themselves.
In a nutshell, as reminder to all INFJ as well to myself, in order to life a better life, I need to nourish my strengths and face my weaknesses. I really have to observe my weaknesses for what they are, and search ways to overcome them. Especially, by making an effort to use my judgment against my internal ideas, rather than ignoring other people’s thought. Besides, I need to go through my thoughts and take in everything without dismissing other people’s ideas prematurely. Instead of becoming obsessed with the details, I need to keep an eye on the big picture and take a big step back but make sure that I can still see the goal. Lastly, despites of everything else, all I need is just to relax.
